Losing, Then Gaining It At the Little 2014

  After my dismal performance at RUTS, I was hoping for the Little to go a little better.  I saw my doctor on Tuesday after RUTS and talked to her about a few things; mainly how much walking could I do and if a support belt would help.  She told me I could walk as much as I wanted and a support belt may help.  So I bought a cheap one that would lift my expanding belly up some, hopefully up off of my bladder.  I was hoping I could complete one loop without having to stop midways at the little (one loop is 2.95 miles) but it was reassuring that the loop was like a figure 8, so that if I needed to stop, I could.

  Although I hadn't been training, I had a secret mileage goal.  I always have some sort of goal at my races, whether time or distance, and this one was no different.  I shared my goal with one of my mentors via email.  His response was,

“i wish you luck.

the exercise is good for you and the young one....

maybe as little more regular activity would help!”

That last line really ticked me off, which was probably his goal in the first place, but it wasn't like I had been sitting around eating bon bons.  I had been working in the yard a lot for the past month putting out over 80 bags of mulch and clearing a fence line.  (Why I feel so compelled to get the yard right before the baby comes is beyond me, but it is what it is).  So there I was, fired up and heading to Ohio.

  I stopped at Crack and ate dinner and also ordered 2 side salads for during the race before heading to Shane’s house.  I was looking forward to seeing everyone, and especially looking forward to watching my friend Amber go for her first 50 miler.  Stu, Brad, and Scott (all vol state alumni) were already there and getting stuff set up.  I settled in helping anyway I could.  We headed out with the wheelbarrow marking the course.  I was surprised how much I remembered of the course, but there were a few sticky spots that I didn't remember, but Scott cleared us up on it.  Shane and Karen arrived and he checked the course markings and we were good to go for tomorrow.  I retired to the bus for some much needed sleep.

  I quickly found out that I don’t maneuver as well 5.5 months pregnant in the back of the bus, let alone sleep well.  I am a belly sleeper and I quickly found out that sleeping on my sides in the bus was very uncomfortable.  I had to keep turning sides throughout the night because my hips were going straight thru my mattress.  It got quite chilly that night also, so when I had to pee, I wouldn't let myself get up because it was too cold.  Not to mention when I finally got up, I had a hard time getting my shoes.  Literally reaching for my shoes in the floor board was hard.  I practically fell out of the bus when I climbed out, accidentally hitting Amber’s vehicle with the door (sorry again Amber!).  It was pretty comical if I wasn't so tired, but oh well, get up and do your best.

  I got my number from Stu and got everything together.  I already put most of my stuff out last night at my table.  I also told Amber that I had way more stuff than you should ever need for a race.  I didn't want her to pick up any bad habits since I had brought so much stuff.  The main thing my doctor cautioned me on was not to get overheated and not to get dehydrated.  Also, to keep food in me for the baby.  So I came prepared mainly for those guidelines.

  It wasn’t long and Stu started the race and we were off.  I tried jogging a little and felt fine.  I caught up to Karen Riddle, who is doing vol state this year, and we chatted about that race.  It wasn’t long before we went through the halfway point and I stopped and used the port o potty before heading out again.  That was a tiny bit discouraging, but I quickly headed back out and soon was coming in from the first lap.  It took me 48 minutes.  I was super happy about that.  I headed back out again still jogging a little but about a third of the way I realized I didn't have the fitness to keep jogging and switched to walking.  I was okay with that though.  I knew I hadn't been training and I knew going in that I would be walking the majority of the race.  No big deal.  I also decided that I would try to get 3 laps in before I sat down to rest my legs.  I was a little concerned about swelling and knew that if I was going to be walking and on my feet that long, then I probably should get off of them for a few minutes.  Plus, it was a great motivator to get done with laps.  Second lap only took 49 minutes.  I was still feeling great when I came into the AS but my stomach had started to grumble a little.  So I grabbed one of the side salads out of the cooler and put dressing on it and headed back out.  The first section is shorter, so I figured I could eat while I walked along and then dump it when I passed thru.  I chuckled to myself wondering at how many other races you see someone walking along on the course carrying a salad and happily munching along.  I knew I couldn't afford the time to sit and eat it and with my stomach growling so loud, I needed something in it.  It worked…not to mention, I was just happy to be there.  No one was competing against me and I surely wasn't competing against anyone.  It took me 55 minutes to finish my third lap.  I walked all of it, so I knew this would be closer to my pace that I needed to stay on top of my goal. 

  Since this was my third lap, I did sit down and prop my feet up.  I figured I had done almost 9 miles, so I gave myself 8 minutes of rest.  Then I got up and headed back out.  With that rest break added in, my fourth lap took me 62 minutes.  The fifth lap, I was able to get my time back to where it should be without the rest break and stopping to grab a handful of trail mix.  Fifth lap was 54 minutes with the thought of grilled cheese sandwiches propelling me onward.  I was excited to head out on the sixth lap because it was getting close to lunch and my belly was letting me know it again.  I had been thinking about grilled cheese for over an hour now and I finished the sixth lap in 57 minutes. 

  I had brought my camp stove and quickly got it going and dug out my bread and butter for my sandwiches.  When I grabbed the cheese out though, it had water all in the package, and not just plain water but one of the ranch dressing cups had leaked into the cooler so everything was a milky white.  I drained out the water and pulled chunks of cheese apart to try to get some cheese for my sandwich.  About that time, Amber came through and I asked her if she wanted a sandwich and she agreed.  I sent her out on the loop with thoughts of grilled cheese upon her return.  I quickly got her sandwich finished and then worked to get enough cheese pulled apart to make mine.  I hoped they would be edible.  Apparently they were, Amber and I both ate ours, but I wanted one more.  At that time, Shane came in and I showed him the cheese debacle and he offered some cheese in the house.  He said his mom was in there working on some and asked if I could help her.  So I headed in to see what I could do.  Shane had a Panini maker and neither one of quite knew how to work it and it was taking so long, I eventually headed outside with a plate full of bread and cheese and restarted my stove and got sandwiches made.  I didn't mind helping out for the return of some cheese, but I knew I was losing some time trying to get the sandwiches cooked.  We eventually got a loaf of sandwiches made for the runners and I ate one more and then headed back out.  I am not sure what time I started back out, but my 7^th lap shows me taking 2 hours and 4 minutes to complete.  So I was an hour behind where I wanted to be, but I did get my belly full, other runners got their bellies full, and I was still moving.  I have to say, at this point, I was feeling pretty good about things.  Although it was getting hotter and I was having a love/hate relationship with the field of dreams.  I loved the field because it meant you were at the end of your lap.  Yeah another lap completed!  But there was about zero shade cover and it was just hot out there.  I had brought an umbrella for that specific section, but for some reason I never remembered to get it out.  Baby brain I guess?  I was happy that the support belt did seem to help.  After my short stint volunteering, I had forgotten to put it on.  I did actually notice a difference and was glad to get back to the AS and put it back on.  So it was nice to know that it was money well spent.  I wish I would've had it at RUTS.

  The seventh lap took me 63 minutes.  I was starting to slow down some and starting to look forward to the ninth lap where I could sit and take a load off.  I was also worrying that I was beginning to dehydrate.  I wasn’t peeing as much.  Don’t get me wrong, I still had to go pee, but not as much flow coming out.  I thought a couple of times about asking Shane to use the indoor bathroom so I could check my pee’s color since the port o pot was useless for that, but that idea didn't sit well with me.  At this race, I kind of pride myself on being self-sufficient.  So even using the indoor plumbing didn't jive with me.  At least I worked for my cheese.  J   I came in from lap 8 completing 23.66 miles and finished lap 8 in 63 minutes.   The thought of getting closer to sitting down for a break, propelled me a little faster to get lap 9 done.  I finished in 58 minutes and I promptly took my sitting rest break.  I took about 20 minutes sitting and eating cantaloupe, which I also offered to anyone that came through.  I wished I hadn't of ate all of my strawberries on the drive up to the race.  I already had doubled my efforts from RUTS but I knew I was having a harder time moving forward.  I gave the rest of the cantaloupe to Stu and headed out on my 10^th lap.  I didn't think I could keep going to get 50 miles in.  That would be 8 laps to go, counting the lap I was starting.  It was already after 3:30 in the afternoon.  Without any rest breaks at all, that would have me finishing at 12:30. Plus, I knew I wanted to stop to see Amber finish her 50 miler.  I was having difficulty working out the time in my head to do that.   Then the thought of sleeping in the bus just about had me in tears.  I was caving.  Mentally, I was giving in and I was bringing home all of the reasons to stop.  Not even my friend’s goad in his email could fire me up to continue.  Somewhere along the 10^th lap I decided to chuck 50 miles and go for 50K.  I came in from the 10^th lap in 82 minutes, with sitting rest break before start of lap.

  I had 29.5 miles in with one more lap to go to complete 50K.  I headed out trying to keep moving forward.  I felt that I was still moving well but that I was starting to trip here and there.  When I came to the muddy areas, which were way less than last year thankfully, I made sure to take my time.  No reason to be stupid and fall on Plaxico.  I was a little discouraged even though I hadn't been training and I had tripled my RUTS mileage.  By the time I reached the field of dreams I was getting kind of teary eyed because even though I was disappointed I didn't reach some secret goal I had set, I looked back over the past year since I finished the 100 miler last year here.  I quit vol state after one day.  Then battled a severe UTI that took three rounds of antibiotics and almost 4 months to clear up.  I had a miscarriage and the surgery for it.  I was pregnant again.  I know the UTI and miscarriage has given me additional mental anxieties for when I run that I will have to overcome, but I also knew that at 5.5 months pregnant I was pretty happy to be back out there even attempting the race.  I had just finished putting some perspective on my year and my race when Chris S. came up from behind me and spooked me.  I didn't even hear him come up on me I was so lost in my thoughts, but I was glad to see him out there.  It reminded me that I am not finished yet, I just may have to adjust my goals for now.  I happily headed in for my slowest 50K ever.  Finishing the 11^th and last lap in 65 minutes for 32.53 miles at 5:59pm.  (Secretly thrilled that I got it under 12 hours.)  lol  I didn't wear a watch, so I had no idea all day how long I was taking or what time it was until I finished my laps.

  I got to see Amber finish her 50 miler in spectacular fashion.  I regret not hanging out much after the race as I normally would do but I was tired, hungry, and ready for a nice shower.  Amber headed to Taco Bell for us and I got us checked into a room.  I was glad I stopped when I did because I was getting dehydrated and I was not getting as many calories in at the end of the day with the heat.  Not to mention, I was getting too hot out there.  No race is worth compromising Plaxico’s well-being, even though the little bugger must have enjoyed the walking cause when we laid down for bed, he kicked me like crazy.  He must have been bummed that he didn't get his first 50 miler.  Next time, Plaxico, next time.

One lap left

Two of my favorite people

Bagged her buckle!

Rout at RUTS

I had a goal of 27-30 miles for RUTS.  I had no idea if that was even possible.  I hadn't been training at all.  In 5 weeks, I walked/jogged 2.5 miles one day.  Too busy trying to get things done before Plaxico arrives and while I still comfortably could do them.  I had been goading my good friend laz leading up to the race (which I shouldn't have because I put un-needed pressure on myself, but it was fun leading up to the race…race day another thing).

  Pat and I left on time and arrived at the horse park about 15 minutes before packet pick up began.  We hurriedly set up our changing tent before the rains came and was safely seated inside while it rained briefly.  At 4, I headed up to pick up our packets and Steve was there.  He asked if I was helping or packet pick up.  Looking at the line that had formed, I jumped in and helped, handing out the women’s shirts and caps.  Once the line thinned out, I got our packets and headed back to the bus.  Pat and I packed up and left for the hotel.  Normally, I would get a couple hours of sleep before we went out to eat and the start of the race, but with the Belmont running…no sleep was too be had.  At 6:45, we headed to Applebee’s for dinner and quickly ate and headed back to the track to the start.  We worried about getting there late and not being able to get to the infield once the race started….we just made it. 

  We headed to the start line and met up with Stu, laz, and Carol Westerman (and got our pic together).  I was tired but ready to get going.  Although I told Pat I was going to have to stop at the restroom on the first lap since I didn't have a chance before we left the restaurant.  And that was just a sign of how things were going to go….

  After coming out of the restroom, I caught up to Pat.  My original plan was walk the curves and jog the straights until I couldn't.  I wanted to bank some miles in as early as I could because I wasn't sure how the night would go as far as sleep deprivation and restroom breaks.  We came to the straight and began jogging.  It was uncomfortable.  All of the ligaments were screaming as they were stretching in my belly and Plaxico was bouncing on my bladder.  We walked the curve and tried to jog the straight again, but I had to exit to use the restroom again.  Not even a mile in yet and already two potty breaks.  I told Pat I was going to have to ditch the jogging.  I tried to increase my walking pace but the bouncing of everything made my bladder say “no, I gotta go”.  I remember telling Terri Durbin that I was no longer counting my laps but counting my potty breaks.  And so it went.  A couple of times I was a able to make it around two laps before ducking in the restroom, but most the time it was every lap.  I was very thankful that there was soft toilet paper though.  (Do to other pregnancy related issues, as in constipation causing hemorrhoids; my butt was already tender before the race started.)  I was slowly getting defeated by the stops and the tenderness in the nether regions.  A couple of times when I had to stop, Pat would go ahead and run on.  I was happy for him, but that is when I felt like I shouldn't be there.  Big whale in everyone’s way.  Although I stayed 6-8 feet from the inside of the track, I still felt people brushing by me like I was in the way.  Pat and I sat down for about 20-25 minutes and I just propped my legs up and rested.  Trying to get my spirits up, but watching everyone else go by was even more discouraging.  I sat myself a time and when it arrived, I told Pat I was heading back out.  (He was done.  His knee had been bothering him and he also hadn't been doing any training.  Working two jobs is hard enough.  Plus, he knew I needed the race more than he did this year.  Thank you sweetie…)

  I hobbled out and got the feet numb again and was able to walk around and made it to the restroom.  At one point, Matt Hoyes caught up to me and we walked together.  He was having some hip troubles, which I felt bad for him and reminded him about the massage person at the track.  We chatted and he pointed out the leader to me.  I had heard of Scott Breeden but couldn't have picked out myself without the hint.  It was nice to chat with Matt.  Very nice guy and great runner that Pat and I love to watch.   His epic battle two years ago with Chris Estes is still talked about in our home in revered tones.  I was bummed he was having a hard time.  He did stop at the massage tent and I later saw him again cranking out miles.  Yeah!!!  Meanwhile, I hit 20 laps after another short rest break and decided maybe to take a nap.  I was feeling wobbly and tired and thought maybe I should try to sleep an hour or two and then try again.  Went I got to the bus and went to climb in, Pat was already there and asked why we didn't go to the hotel if we could get out.  There it was…my out.  I quit right then and there.  If I could get him to the hotel and he could get a nice night’s sleep instead of the 2-4 hour naps he normally takes everyday, then the weekend might not be lost after all.  I went and asked Steve about leaving and was able to catch Stu to say my goodbyes.  I watched for Laz to pass while packing up the tent, but missed him somehow.  I felt bad for leaving a race early, but I was done. 

10 miles in 4 hours 21 minutes and 7 restroom breaks. 

  Defeated we headed to the hotel but took a detour when seeing the IHop was open.  I didn't realize how hungry I was until the food was placed in front of me.  We went to our room with our bellies full and retired for the night.  We got up the next morning, not having to rush out like usual before check out time and had a leisurely breakfast at Crack and then headed home.  The only other adventure we had was right before exit 53 on Western Kentucky Pkwy we ran out of gas.  We were so leisurely in leaving that we both completely forgot to get gas before leaving Paducah.  Thank goodness for AAA, but parked on the side of the road with my door open, Pat standing at the back of the bus with the hatch open.  We had a bed.  We had food.  And we had laughter.  Not many people would be laughing in that situation, but we were, and although we both had miserable races (the worst in our six years of RUTS), we still had a great weekend and not even running out of gas could dampen that.  We saw our wonderful running family.  We got time together just to chat and laugh.  We ate good food.  And we attempted to meet our goals (and failed).  We had fun….what more could you want out of a race or a weekend?

Mish Mash Thoughts Driving Home From Wartrace

  I'm not a "baby" person.  Never have been.  Don't think they are cute.  Don't want to hold them.  I love it when they turn 2 years old.  Then the fun begins.  Now with that being said....I am excited about having our own baby, even if I don't think its cute.  ;)  It was something we had pushed out of our minds until last year.  Now it continues to push more towards reality and I am excited to begin that adventure.  However, I am definitely not one of the women that like being pregnant.  Don't get me wrong.  Once I get past the pressure of "Oh God, what if I screw this little human up and he is havoc on the world", I am truly amazed at what is taking place in my body.

  I am now 18 weeks along and happy to be out of the first trimester.  Which I was blessed, I never got sick, just nausea (that is still with me at times), but the fatigue was overwhelming.  I was so bummed because I was so lethargic and lazy.  I was so excited when energy began returning and I felt like running again, let alone rolling off of the couch!  I made a goal to REDFAM at least a mile during April (Run Every Day For A Month) and also started a 30 day challenge of exercises with coworkers mid-way thru April.  It has been wonderful.  The only nagging thing now is watching races being run and not entering them.

  I missed running in the Kentucky Derby and was going to go watch friends but became ill Friday night.  Thankfully, the Backside Trail Marathon needed volunteers and I offered to help.  The next best thing to running a race, is volunteering at one.  Being able to cheer runners on, offer them support, and chat with friends is such a fun way to spend a race and without the pressure of all the training needed to run the race.  (Okay, not that I am really that good at staying on the training wagon.  I have been more motivated being away from the sport.)  I was also super stoked that the RD, Troy Shellhammer, gave the volunteers free entry into next year's race and a shirt from this year's race.  That is huge to me.

  I hate to be that person that expects something when I volunteer, because I really don't.  If you volunteer, then you shouldn't expect anything but a "thanks for helping out".  Besides if you get paid, is it really volunteering?  BUT when someone, like an RD does give you something back, like free entry to a race it is such a nice gesture.  Especially to someone that is on a budget.  Its really nice for them to do that because to me it is saying that they recognize the my time is valuable and they appreciate the help.

     {Side story:  When I first started running and entering races, I signed up for a ton of races.  When the fall races rolled around, I realized I didn't have the gas money to drive to the races and I had to back out of two of them.  So now when I sign up for races, I keep in mind not just the cost of the race, but gas, food, and if I will need hotel money.  Gas money also plays a part when I offer to volunteer.}

  On the same hand, I hate to volunteer and not really being needed.  Nothing worse than giving up your time and sitting around feeling like it is being wasted.  I haven't had that happen very often, but it occasionally does.  I usually don't return to help.

  I was thrilled though this weekend to be able to go and "help" out at Strolling Jim.  I say "help" laughingly because at times I was incoherent from lack of sleep and also unable to multi-task.  Thankfully there was no timing issues and we did not need a back-up system {sheepishly- sorry Steve}.  I am really good at doing stuff in the background.  Put me behind the registration or aid station table and I'll work as hard as anyone.  Give me a bullhorn and I am going to look at you like a deer in the headlights.  Just do not like being in the spot light.   Thankfully, behind the registration and timing table is where I was put (and I handed the bullhorn to others when needed- sorry Steve).   I did have to leave my post and use the restroom more than I normally do (I can normally hike 7-8 hours in FHSP without stopping to potty- well, being with 3 guys and being too modest helps).  I did feel horrible because I had to bail before everything got put up.  I had been up since 1 am and dusk was approaching.  I knew I needed some food and a bed and I wanted to get on the road before the darkness enveloped (sorry again Steve and laz).  I hated bailing on them....

  I had such a wonderful time though and even got a shirt and a souvenir 10k medal for Pat (that's a whole other story).  I have always ran Steve & laz's races, but getting to help out with one of them was awesome.  Laz is just his usual fun self and Steve is just on top of everything.  Such a professional and always putting the runners getting their money;s worth first.  It was great to be a part of the race in that capacity.

  I hate using 'being pregnant' as an excuse of why I am not running, or mainly not entering races.  Being untrained has never deterred me before from entering (although it probably should says the 3 50 mile DNF's laughing back at me).  Now though, I have someone else to think about.  As I sat watching runners come in on Saturday, and even joked with Amiee that this would've been the year we could have beaten our nemesis's Carl and Case, I knew I was doing the right thing.  Watching the runners come in, some struggling from the heat.  I would've been one of them and I would hate to think that I was an unfit mother-to-be.  I know I made a good decision and I am really looking forward to June.  I have two races that I am signed up for in June:  Run Under the Stars 10 Hour and the Little 100.  Those races are 1/2 mile and 3 miles loop races.  Plenty of opportunity to bail out.  Nice safe races for me and Plaxico to participate in and enjoy the fun with others.  I also plan to volunteer at a night trail race at Otter Creek later this month and hopefully get to ride the course the first weekend of vol state to see my buds.

  So although I think being pregnant is for the birds and the bees, and especially don't look forward to people thinking they can rub my belly (and then doing so!!!), I'm excited that it is not keeping me from having different little adventures this year.  Just as when Plaxico is born...we will adjust, adapt, and adventure on.

February RED FAM

  Due to being such a lazy bones, I decided to try to RED FAM the month of February.

RED FAM = Run Every Day For A Month

I figured 1, it is a short month, surely I could do that, and 2, I needed to kick start my training for this year.

  

  I started off really good for the first few days.  I woke up early and got my mile in, sometimes 2 or 2.5.  Then I was rushing to get ready for work.  Then on the 4th, I started to have some cramps and pain in the last part of my 3 mile run on the TM.  I only had 3 minutes left to finish, but I didn't sleep that well that night and it worried me.  I had just been to the doctor that day and found out that I was pregnant.  Again.  And although the doctor cleared me, after last fall, I was a little gun shy.

  No sweat though.  I just decided to do WED FAM and I would walk instead of run.  I was happy with that decision and for the next few days, I got up and barely got my walk in before rushing off to work again.  (What can I say, bed is my favorite place to hide in the cold winter time.)  However, on the 6th, I started having the bladder spasms that I was left with from the 2 month UTI I had in the fall.  Those things hurt like the dickens and I couldn't take my medicine for them due to the baby.  

  This is one time that I wish I was a guy.  Guys can walk around and hold onto their crotch and no one really thinks a thing about it.  You see a lady do that, and well, I'm not sure what people think.....but I really wanted to do that.  So on my birthday, the 7th, I caved and stopped.  The worst thing with the spasms was I decided I should cancel my hiking trip in Tennessee that weekend.  That crushed me more than quitting R/WED FAM.  

  I actually packed the bus and started down the road to go, but my pp hurt and I didn't see it getting any better the farther I drove or hiking in the mountains all weekend long.  So I turned around after a few tears and headed back home to sulk.

  By Saturday afternoon, the spasms had stopped, the back pain quit, and no nausea.  By Monday morning, I broke the news to Pat.  I didn't think the visit to the doctor on Tuesday was going to be good.  Everything had stopped hurting just like in the fall.  I spent the whole weekend waiting for Tuesday to arrive and for them to give us the bad news and to get it over with.  It really was a great birthday weekend!  Pffftttttttt....

  Tuesday finally arrived and we were seated in the US room and the tech was doing her thing, and I wishing she would hurry up so we can get out of there.  Then she tells us there it is.  Huh?  She even showed us the heartbeat.  Really?  Are you sure?  Yep...you guys were not expecting that were you?  Nope....

  So here I am, R/Wed FAM a failure, but so far the baby is fine.  Looking back I wonder if He was testing me to trust Him and the more I think about my relationship with God.  Well, I don't entirely trust Him.  I don't trust people easily, let alone a God I can't see or even prove He is there.  He knows that though and we are working on it.  Well, I am working harder at trusting Him and also believing that He knows what he is doing.  What can I say...I have my faults too.  

  I am 39 and Pat will be 59 in June.  We know what people are thinking about that part because we have thought it ourselves.  Pat should be retiring, not getting ready to raise a baby.  And I feel responsible for the burden that has now been placed in our laps and we have discussed it honestly and frankly.  We both have decided though that we either believe that I heard Him speak to me last March or I hear voices in my head with random thoughts that make no sense (which does happen, but that one was really, really random).  If it is true, then who are we to go against His will?

  I may not have many running adventures planned for this year, but I am looking forward to watching Pat complete some of his own.  He already finished the first leg of the Triple Crown and will run the second leg on March 8th.  His first 10K! And I am so excited to be able to have a reason to just stand at the finish line and support him.  It's gonna be a good year!

Not Worried....Nope, Not At All

Training from Blister In The Sun Marathon (8/04) until Honest Abe Marathon (9/22)

   I admit it.  I was nervous.  I had just started running on Monday and the race was Sunday.  Sunday was my last day to take my antibiotics.  I was worried that the weather would be warm and I haven’t done well with warm weather on antibiotics.  I wasn’t sure if the UTI was cleared up.  I wasn’t sure if I would start bleeding again since the surgery was a little over a week out.  We put on our trail race on Saturday morning and then a wedding that evening.  I had a horrible headache at the wedding and reception and left early Saturday night.  I felt sick on the way home and told Pat I didn’t thing I could do the race.  I wasn’t sure if I could even get out of bed.  I was worried.  

He told me to see how I felt in the morning and if I could get up, just go run one lap and come home.  I had my answer.  I had my reassurance from him.  I would try.  I would see how I would do.  I would test myself.  I would see how badly deterioted my fitness had gotten since the Blister In the Sun Marathon 6 weeks ago and the subsequent events that followed.  I knew that if no bleeding or effects from the antibiotics cropped up, that I would push myself to finish the race.  I wanted to finish.  I needed to finish.  The race cut off was 7 hours, with a 5 hour cut off at loop 2.  Three loops.  I told myself try to get each loop at two hours and then I had an hour for disaster to happen.  I was nervous.  I was worried.  BUT if I could get out of bed Sunday morning, I would try.

  I didn’t sleep well and I woke up 10 minutes before my alarm was to go off.  I hurried and got myself together and headed out into the crisp morning.  I arrived at the race an hour early, picked up my bib, and promptly laid back down in the bus to rest. 

      Before long I went to line up and saw Brian.  I met Brian during LBL.  He was doing his first 60K (and first trail run) and was having a tough day.  He said I encouraged him to finish.  Today I would use close to the same words I gave him that day to encourage myself, “I have 7 hours to get it done.  Don’t stop unless you get timed out.”  I saw Craig B. and got to meet Debbie, who I only know from Facebook until now  Shortly, we were off.  The marathoners had to do a lap around the parking lot, while the 14K’ers got to start immediately on the trail.  I watched as everyone pulled on away from me.  I tried to level my pace and my breathing, but I felt so uncomfortable and couldn’t catch my breath around the parking lot.  I finally made it to the trail and still even saw a few people ahead of me.  I knew it would take me about 20-30 minutes to feel comfortable.  And it did.

There was an aid station midways through the loop and another one at the start/finish line of the loop.  I wore my hydration pack to make sure I stayed hydrated since I was still on antibiotics and I wasn’t sure how slow I would be going.  Before long I had passed 7 people.  I didn’t care that they were probably 14K runners.  I was passing people and it felt good.  One did pass me back but I caught him at the aid station.  He was a marathoner and I would play leap frog with him the rest of the race. 

After we left the AS and I was ahead of him, running next to a creek I heard some rustling and looked to my left just in time to see two deer.  I stopped to watch them and they stopped.  The other runner caught up and I pointed them out to him.  I was sad because I didn’t have my camera to take a pic and my phone was tucked in my pack.  Oh well, I headed off hoping for a port o pot in the near future.  I had to go really bad, although I was nervous about it.  When I did BITS marathon, the wheels starting coming off more and more after each potty break as the UTI raged.  I don’t know if I am finally over it or not, but I finally came upon an outhouse and was about to find out.  I quickly ran in, set down, and just felt hot pee coming out (sorry so graphic).  No pain, no blood, and best of all, no burning crying my insides are falling out sensation.  Victory!  

There was a ton of wooden bridge crossings and I made sure to walk across them everytime because they were slick.  Even walking, I slid a couple of times.  The rest of the loop was uneventful and I was looking forward to seeing the so called “zig zag” bridge.  Apparently, the RD has some complaints about the bridge and people have asked him to re route the course.  I came upon a long wooden bridge that went on 

forever and then turned and went on some more.  I thought maybe that was the zig zag bridge.  It was cool, but why would people complain about it.  It was slick but so were the others.  I came upon an old home site and a fenced in well.  That is also when I came upon the “zig zag’ bridge.  It was so cool and I made sure to tell the RD that he should never re route the course (if people don’t like it, they can find another

race to run- it was unique!).  It was basically a hillside with a ramp bridge, then it would turn and angle down the other way, then turn again, and it went on for several levels until it dumped you out at the bottom.  My pics do not do it justice.  Right after it, I came to the end of the first loop and stopped at the aid station.  Since I had forgotten my watch, I had no idea how long it had taken me, but I felt really good and

headed out onto the second loop.  As I got away from the AS, I texted Pat to let him know I was starting my second loop.  I had promised him I would.  (Although he had given his blessing for me to go, I know he was concerned also.)  I checked my phone and it was roughly two hours, 9:30ish.  I wasn’t sure if we had started on time either, but I felt good about that.

The second loop I had some doubts, which are normal for me.  I always struggle in the middle of a race and today was no different.  What was different was the way my legs felt.  They felt heavy and like they were not connected to my body.  A couple of times, it felt like they were going to crumble underneath of me.  A very uncool giving out sensation.  It was just such a strange sensation.  I finally made it to the AS and was at a mental low.  I even told the guys thanks a ton, in case I wouldn’t be

 back around the third time.  They were very nice and encouraging.  I grabbed some more pretzels and headed out.  I was trying to push myself and keep jogging along with walking the uphills only but as I left the AS, I was pushing myself just to walk.  I started to feel a little better but then I really realized what was wrong when my belly started growling.  It’s probably lunchtime at home!  (the race was in central time
zone) Let me tell you, I don’t like to miss a meal and you can probably tell it!  I was hungry!  I finally got to the next AS at the end of loop two and grabbed me a gel to suck down and another handful of pretzels.  I figured the caffeine would help and it did.  I felt so much better!  I texted Pat again and let him know I was starting my third loop.  Roughly about 4 hours into it.  I was still on par with my game plan of two hours and

I had a three hour cushion to finish this last lap.  I finally let myself breathe easy.  I knew I would finish and I knew the last lap wouldn’t be too bad because I can usually finish strong.  As a treat, and because I thought I was in last place since the leap frog runner had passed me again in the middle of the second loop, I put my headphones on and pushed on.  I was so happy.  I also tucked my phone in sports bra so

that I could take pics.  I knew it was my bell lap and I had time to savor the lap and get some pics of this beautiful course.

  I made it to the middle AS for the final time and joked about being the “sweep”, but they informed me that there was two more runners behind me!  Well, that put a fire under me as I hurried and ate another gel, 

orange, and handful of pretzels.  I hurried out of there hoping to keep from being last after all.  I still took my pics though and after taking one of the beautiful lake is when I had my toe catch on a root or something and I went sailing through the air.  I am not very graceful, but I managed to stay upright and probably gave the people in the paddle boat a good laugh if they saw me.  Man, my big toe smarted after that!

  Right when I got to the zig zag bridge, another runner caught me.  Darn it!  But she was very nice and offered to take a pic of me as I was putting my headphones away.  Tamara from Cincinnatti was running her 95^th marathon and we happily chatted as we ran in together, stopping to grab her drop bag and my jacket/arm sleeves that I had discarded after loop one.  We were chatting so much, that I did not see the time when 

we crossed the finish line.  After I had changed, I asked the RD my time and they accidentally gave me the girl before me –so I thought I finished in 6:03:04, but when the results came out I see that Tamara and I finished in last place together at 6:07:22 (even though I tried to get her to go ahead of me in honor of her 95^th finish).  I guess the other person must have dropped.  So I finished in last place just like my very first trail 

marathon but this time it was actually a better time.

  I am thrilled to see that I haven’t lost that much fitness and mentally I was able to keep pushing.  I also know that I had some help out there.  I felt Him blessing my every step.  LBL last year was my first race after my dad had passed and I was worried that I might be a blubbering mess at this race, but I only had one time that I teared up.  On the third loop 

going up the last big hill, a Christian song called “What Are You Waiting For” started playing and I teared up as I climbed.  Fighting over 2 months to clear up a UTI, the loss of our baby, the no training due to all of it.  I thought of it all and then I also thought, just like the song was saying, I’m not waiting for tomorrow.  I am able to get out here.  I may be slow, but I can get out here and enjoy his creation.  

I am glad I got out of bed.  I needed to see if I could do it. And I needed to see if I could do it on my own and alone.  And I did and I am still excited that I was able to pull it off.

  If you ever have a chance to head to Lincoln Park, Indiana, put this race on your list.  The RD and his merry band of volunteers were awesome and encouraging.  The course is beautiful and the price is right!  I loved every bit of the race and look forward to doing it again.  Especially with the fond memories it has now been given.  I was worried, but I found victory!

To Be or Not To Be

  For the first time ever, I feel my age.  All of my life I have always been told that I don't look my age.  Therefore, I really don't act my age because apparently I missed the manual on "How to Act Your Age."  Yesterday at the OB's office, I felt my age.  No matter how healthy I am, I can not get around the fact that I am 38 years old.  I am over 35 and that puts me at high risk.  I also learned that 40 gives me a 50/50 chance (that is less than two years away).
  Pat and I went to the appointment excited only to quickly have it stomped out during the ultrasound.  The US tech was very nice as she explained that the embryo was very tiny and had stopped developing for a while.  She also could not find a heartbeat.  We then got to speak with the nurse practitioner that explained that I will miscarry more than likely, but if not, they will perform a D&C (suck & scrape apparently).  So now I am walking around waiting to miscarry.  Half hoping I do so I don't have to go through the procedure, but also not knowing when it will happen, and if it starts at work, can I keep it together or will the cramps be more than I can cover.
    Being a Christian, it would be really easy to get mad at God over this.  Especially since I still feel that he spoke those words to me (see previous blog post).  Thankfully, I am a little stronger in my faith than I was several years ago when we lost one of her dogs very traumatically (I quit speaking to Him for about 6 months because after having to put so many pets down in a 1.5 year span, I had begged Him not to let us have to do that with Clay.  We had to put Clay down.).  Honestly though, I am really ticked off at Him, but that's what happens.  You get ticked off at family.  Ticked off at friends.  Why should getting ticked off at God be any different.  Besides, I figure He is big enough to handle my anger.
  I've wondered if Sarah had a miscarriage before she had Isaac.  I felt like Hannah at times yesterday especially sitting there waiting to go back to see the NP and looking at all of the round bellies around us.  Instead, I told Pat I needed some alone time and headed into the woods behind our house with my Ipod and did my best to praise Him.  I went through all of the questions with Him.  Why?  How come you let this happen?  What is the purpose of us going through this?  Why again?  It took about an hour but I was able to finally praise Him.
  I don't know what is going to happen.  Did I hear Him or was it a figment of my imagination?  I guess in the spring if I am without a baby, then you could say it was me or I can choose to believe that His plan has changed for Pat and me.  (And I know for non believers, that statement makes you feel that believers are wishy washy.  All I can say is sorry.  If you are right, then we all die and that is it.  Nothing, nada, zilch.  But if I am right, then it saddens me more than our loss yesterday and more than you know.  ~off my soap box now)   Although, I am sad and we are grieving just like anyone would during a loss, I am still choosing to believe.  I am also choosing to go back to the way it was before.  (Although, before I thought I couldn't get pregnant- not sure knowing now that I can is easier or harder.)  If it happens, awesome.  If it doesn't, awesome.  I told my mom this morning that my life is already pretty dang complete.  A kid would just be icing on the cake in our lives.  But I also love cheesecake and it doesn't have icing.  At least I can run a mile with Pat (at least until the bleeding starts).  And I have been married to my best friend for almost 14 years now and he is my rock and I know that the two of us together are stronger than apart.
  He never said it would be easy but I am so blessed that I can't complain.  Also, knowing that my age makes it more normal to miscarry the first time, makes it somewhat easier to accept.  Somewhat....
  I can't speak for Pat, but I feel like I am back running Vol State with all of the highs and lows lately and now the really low.  Not a very nice DNF if you ask me.  But as one of my mentors stated in a post last year, "What goes down, must come up."
  So that is where we are, in a holding pattern.  Waiting for the miscarriage to happen so that we can get a little bit of normalcy back into our lives.  I have several races lines up still for the fall and I am taking them as we get to them (I already had to DNS at the Bloody 11W).  I have another visit at the OB next week to determine if they will need to do a D&C instead.   We still have our four legged family.  Pat and I are both looking forward to getting back to practicing.  I mean really, isn't the old saying, "Practice makes Perfect."  And we are laughing.  We will still grieve, but we will be fine.  We love each other and we have the best family and friends around.  What is not blessed about that???
 

Faith of a Mustard Seed 8/23/13

     I feel a little like Sarah and Abraham right now.  You see, the Lord also spoke to me in the spring.  I'm not as close to Him as I should be and I seem to never be quiet enough to hear Him.  It is really no wonder that he had to wait until I sitting on the toilet doing the deed to whisper to me, "You will be with child this time next year."  Did I just say that?  Where did that come from?  Really Lord?  I am training for the barkley right now and you want me to think about a kid?  I kind of like my life right now.  I have found a nice little hobby and met some great friends.  I have so many goals set for me this year.  And, um, in case you haven't noticed Lord, Pat and I are not really spring chickens.   And did I mention I am training for barkley?

     And so that is how it started.  I put that out of my mind and the months have flown by and I only thought of it a couple of times, but not really seriously.  That was not until I got the UTI.  It was almost 3 weeks and not getting any better.  I thought that if I started, then it would change the pH or something down there and help me out.  I went to the doctor and they started me on antibiotics.  A seven day course and over a week later and still no relief.  I went to my family doctor for relief and with one other question.  As the weeks began to pass, I would tell Pat, "one week- that's no big deal."  "Two weeks- well, the UTI may be the cause."  "Three weeks late- um, I'll ask the doc when I go on Tuesday."

     Tuesday came and the doc come in, "Well kiddo (this cracks me up because he is probably not even 10 years older than me and calls me kiddo, but I adore him and so does Pat).....well kiddo, are you ready to expand your family."  And like that, the words I didn't think I'd ever hear was spoken.  I had to bite my cheek to keep from busting out in a big cheesy smile.  I tried to listen to him explain about how best to treat the UTI and then questioned him about my meds I take and my running.  No more Advair or Ibuprofen or Claritin for me.  The meds approved, I can't take Tylenol or Sudafed.  He did say I could take my emergency inhaler- so that is good.  And he also said I could run, even with the UTI.  Just to go with how I feel (some days are better than others I am finding.)

     I called Pat and broke the news to him.  We were both were already thinking we were, but now it was confirmed.  We called and texted the many family members.  Then when I started getting a headache and he started getting tired, we posted it on Facebook (welcome to the 21st century I guess).

     It wasn't expected.  We had already settled that our family would be made up of four legs.  We had found a great running circle and met some terrific friends.  Something we could see ourselves doing into our golden years.  Not that we still won't be able too, but life is about to change around Quarry Line Road.  (I woke up the other night chastising myself for taking the lights down off of the roof.  What if I can't get up there to hang them for our Christmas party in December?  A girl has her priorities at 3 in the morning on the toilet peeing.)  We also had put it out of our heads because we are slowly creeping up in age.  Of course, Pat more so than I.  I have had all the talks with my mother and friends of why we weren't having kids.  Pat should be retiring.  He'll be 75 when the kid graduates.  (I've already teased him that I will have to take his license away as the kid is getting his.)  It is not fair to him.  We have had all of the practical discussions of why having a kid at our age is not the smart thing to do.  Or probably the right thing to do for the kid.  But apparently, the Lord knows more than us and He thinks it is exactly the right time.

     Now as we have had to change our way of thinking, we couldn't agree with Him more.  It is the right time for us and both of us could not be more excited, even if it seems we are not (we aren't the gushy type and I am not even a baby person!).  I use to worry about our ages and the kid losing a parent at an early age and how unfair it would be for the kid.  I am 38 and my dad is gone.  My step mom lost her mom at 16.  Life is not fair and parents or children pass on before they are suppose too.  All we can do is love the child while God has gifted him to us, for however long that should be.  I am sure it will also be strange for Pat's kids to have a new younger sibling, but my sister was born the year I graduated.  Twenty years ago.  Such as life....

     My blog is usually about my adventures that Pat lets me take.  So forgive me, but I felt I should post about the little adventure Pat and I are getting ready to go on.  We will not be finding out the sex of the baby.  All we care about is having a healthy baby- that is our prayer.  If that should not be the case, we will still enjoy the wonderful journey we are embarking on.

   

     I re read the story of Abraham and Sarah the other night when I awoke and could not go back to sleep.  The Lord told her she would become pregnant and she laughed at him because of their age.  And along came Isaac.  I feel a lot like Sarah and Abraham right now.  I praise Him for His blessings upon us and for allowing us to have one of his children for however long that will be.